dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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