bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
