I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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