You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
