remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
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I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
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Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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