we made out on top of his cat.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
