Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
