the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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