google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
