He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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