if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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