I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
