I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
