I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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