I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
