the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
