I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
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She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
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She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given