How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
