I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"