Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack