your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
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I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.