I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back