so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
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You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
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My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.