remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...