ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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