i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Are my feet made of real feet?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
