I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
