And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
