Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
