On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
