Don't you send me to vm
I wish my penis had an off switch
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize