i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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