they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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