i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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