Have you finally orgasmed yet?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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