I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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