I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
