the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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