Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
