So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
