She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize