you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
