So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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