peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
