It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
