A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
