It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
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She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
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I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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