i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
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Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
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There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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