I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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