YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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