You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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