my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
