OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize