One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I think my vagina is haunted
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
