i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
