some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize