so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I had to cum in my sink.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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