I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
