Betty ford says i'm here all night
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
