You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
