She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
