Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
