shes about as inviting as chlamydia
stop calling my apartment porn island.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
