As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
