Sry I called you an 8
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Randomize
