you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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