Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
