I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
