I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
