i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
