I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
